If Only

I am honored to have my poem “If Only” included in the Spring issue of Apeiron Review!

Issue Twelve is an intense collection, with some amazing prose, poetry, photographs and illustrations.

You can read it online here. (“If Only” is on page 30.)


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Breakthrough. The word makes me think of scientists experimenting—Bunsen burners and research log scribbles; mathematicians working and reworking problems. Until … what? What is it they are breaking through exactly? Obstacles, I guess, and fog and wrong thinking. Obstacles can be external, but they can also be internal.

Frankly, I’m in awe of the struggles we beings face. I am overcome sometimes with the sheer number of hurdles that appear in our paths, and the myriad shapes those hurdles can take.

It is so easy—so very easy—to forget that we can actually break through those obstacles. Some of us aren’t used to busting down barriers, and don’t even think that there may be a way to get past them.

Writing has taught me a little about this. When I started writing, I was surprised at all the trouble that comes with it: a storyline doesn’t work, a character turns out to be unlikeable, the point of view needs to shift, the plot fails. In short, big changes are needed. This happens a lot. Changes? Yuck. Changes are hard. And I’ve sat staring at the screen facing what seems an insurmountable problem, thinking, “How am I going to fix this mess?”

First I have to talk myself out of running away, because I could easily put the draft in the drawer and try another story. Second, I sit there. Sitting and staring is sort of the writer’s way of experimenting. That is, it looks like we’re sitting and staring, but our mind is working away like a head full of little elves trying to put together Santa’s toys. Sometimes I have to sit and stare, and sometimes I have to leave it to my subconscious and go do something else.

Then step three happens. I mean it just happens. The cosmos align, the elves mechanisms click into place, and an idea arrives about how to fix the problem. Doesn’t always fix it, but it’s a start.

I’ve discovered this also works for other, non-writing breakthroughs. I sit and stare. I sleep on it. Let my subconscious elves work. The key is getting myself to look at the barrier the right way. Is it solid or does it have cracks? It usually has cracks. I just have to look for the crack, and try not to give up. If it’s there, I’ll eventually make my way to it–I’ll break through.

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Four Quote Friday – Winter

“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, “Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

cold-snow-road-landscape“Never are voices so beautiful as on a winter’s evening, when dusk almost hides the body, and they seem to issue from nothingness with a note of intimacy seldom heard by day.”– Virginia Woolf, Night and Day

“One kind word can warm three winter months.”– Japanese Proverb

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”– Albert Camus, Return to Tipasa

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The Call of the Tidy

Sometimes life is wild enough and what you long for is orderliness.

the-english-landscape-1334507649hgf-2It was my first trip to England, and I gazed at them from the plane window as we approached the airport: those lovely green patches–emerald, lime and sage, overlaid with intersecting threads of juniper or pine, creating a systematic grid. Hedgerows.

As we circled, I relaxed at the sight of these symmetrical contours. Someone is in control here, I thought. They have a handle on things. This will be a calm place for my unruly thoughts to fall in line.

“I’ll put the kettle on,” she said. I was welcomed with the comforting ritual of tea and biscuits, and there would be a cup waiting outside my bedroom as I fought jetlag the next morning. Everything pleasing and practical.

I sipped my reviving drink. Here the wild could be tamed.

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Hermes–The Greek God for Me?

HermesI heard recently that writers tend to choose either Apollo or Hermes as their patron Greek deity. I always thought of myself as an Apollo kind of gal, but I’ve learned a few things about Hermes that might move me into his camp.

We are told that his mother, the nurturing Pleiad Maia that we named our month of May after, noticed signs he was quite the trickster early on when he jumped out of his cradle and ran off to steal his brother Apollo’s cattle.

The story I like best is about Io, the daughter of a local river god, who was pursued by Zeus. Zeus’ wife Hera got mad, turned poor Io into a cow, chained her up, and had Argos the god of war stand guard over her. So Zeus sent Hermes to lull Argos to sleep and free Io. Apparently Hermes was good at that sort of thing—sometimes using music, or in this case, just telling a long boring story and when it put Argos under, Hermes cut off the war god’s head and rescued Io.

Hermes is the patron of travelers and also of the home, which I love since my heart is in both worlds. And adventuring types should know that his name comes from “herm,” which means “stone heap,” like the way travelers still today mark their trails with stones to prove they were there.

And here’s the writer part: he invented the alphabet, and is the patron of language. But he is also the god of musical instruments, possibly creating both Zeus’ lyre Lyreand Pan’s flute. Plus he is a sort of diplomat, good at reconciling competing sides. I think it’s all related.

So he is this really clever, well-rounded, likable guy, and maybe most important, he’s the one who escorts people to the underworld after death. I figure, why not get on his good side now?


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Four Quote Friday

Just a little idea to provide a bit of inspiration. I’ll start with quotes in honor of my website theme Appreciate … Appreciate.

“Set wide the window. Let me drink the day.” ― Edith Wharton

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” ― Voltaire 

“Life is a spell so exquisite that everything conspires to break it.” — Emily Dickinson

“But listen to me. For one momentflower-827564_960_720

quit being sad. Hear blessings

dropping their blossoms

around you.” ― Rumi


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Dream It

Albert Einstein said “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” So whatever my goal, imagination can be the key, at least to beginning the process.

dirt road for web

I want to write a novel. I’ve never written a novel before, so I’ve had trouble actually believing that I can do it and figuring out how to make it happen. But recently I hit a milestone: I can see the ending—really see it, and now I’ve mapped my journey to get there.

Athletes visualize their success I’ve heard, and sometimes use coaches who specialize in helping them with that process. I’m not an athlete, so I can only imagine how they do it. But I suppose imagining is the point.

In fiction, readers are drawn into a story by details, particularly sensory details. There’s no reason this couldn’t work for imagining our goals too.

If my dream requires a move to the city, as I plan I need to feel the strain on my leg muscles as I walk up to the fourth floor loft above the grocery store. Hear the sirens keeping me from going to sleep at night. Smell the exhaust fumes as I step out the door in the morning.

Or if my long term goal takes me far into the future, I need to think about what has changed—in the world and also in me. Do I move my elderly body more carefully, securing each step as I walk? Stop to rub my arthritic knuckles?

Whatever it is, dream it. Be it. Imagine. As John Lennon sang, “It’s easy if you try.”

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